Make you realize
by jessieanna
Summary: Jane is engaged to Casey. She accepts his proposal but can't ignore the feelings she has towards her best friend. It's amazing what a small moment can do to change your entire life. A/N This was written almost an year ago, before season 4 even started. So no relation to the ending scene in s4e12, even if it makes more sense like that.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I have no rights over Rizzoli and Isles, as all rights belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT.  
This was made just for fun, no profit.**

A/N This is my first Rizzles was written long before season 4 episode 12. The main idea was that Jane and Casey were engaged, and it would be a AU in the distant future, but now it may be a little closer. This is what I want to happen when the show begins again. Enjoy and please review.

**Jane POV**

I wasn't sure if I had ever seen her so angry. She was in the verge of tears and screaming but she was shivering, withholding the wish to snap up at me. She was right to behave like this. It was the third time I'd spent the night with her and I still couldn't promise something different, something more.

**6 weeks ago**  
_  
"Do you have any plans for tonight?" Her voice came like from very far away but she was just two feet away. I was lost in my thoughts, didn't come up right away with an answer._

_"No, Casey will go out. Guy's night, so I'm free." I said as soon as I managed to pull myself together.  
"Well we can make it girl's night? Has been a while since the last time we went to grab some drinks, just us to."Her smile was pure and innocent and if it wasn't that the comment had felt like a punch in the stomach I would have smiled back.  
"Yeah. Wanna head to the Robber later? I still have some paperwork." My reply this time was more confident.  
"I'll be finished in a few hours too. So yeah I would like a drink." She smiled again and it was contagious. Even more than that, I was grinning like an idiot when we said our goodbyes._

_The hours went on quickly and by 7 we were on our way to the bar. She was more than beautiful, the dress just a little above her knee hugged her in all the right places and her up-do was a little more sophisticated than normal, with a few strands hanging amazingly on the side of her face. We sat down, I ordered my beer and she ordered her usual wine. After a little small talk about our day, she sat up straight and with a knowing smile she asked me._

_"How's the engagement going? We haven't talked much since the big news."_

_"Pretty good." My voice cracked a little and I cursed myself. "He's been amazing. Things have been pretty good, yeah." I was still failing to keep my voice level, couldn't just lie to her._

_"Well, I'm glad but I'd like a few more details. How do you feel? How has this change come to you?" Her polite but not less dazzling grin showing. I could tell she felt somehow happy for me, and my first answer had satisfied her but she was curious for more. __**'So oblivious'**__ I thought to myself._

_"I'm good. I'm taking it pretty good." I sounded like a broken record. So I stepped up a little. "I like this, I like the new place we have, I like having someone to come to, it makes the job easier, gets your mind off a little." Yeah, I definitely stepped up… by lying. Or as she would take it if she knew, twisting the truth a little. Because I really liked the new place. It was more spacious than my old apartment, it had more light, and it was nice having 'someone', I felt less lonely. To be completely honest to myself, I really liked the feeling, and Casey was a nice distraction, a VERY nice distraction, even though it felt like lacking. I knew it wasn't perfect, far from it but it was comfortable and sweet, and I felt loved, taken care off._

_"Jane, are you here?" Her voice broke my line of thoughts._

_"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was… thinking."_

_"So good you're daydreaming huh?" She raised her eyebrows. She had taken this in a whole different way, but I couldn't blame her. I chuckled._

_"Yeah" My reply almost inaudible as I sipped my beer._

_"Well I'm glad for you." Her hand reached my wrist, as soon as I landed the beer back on the table. I let go of the cold glass bottle to reach take her hand. God, she was so warm, and her skin was so soft. Her hand delicate and she let it rest in mine, and I reached with my other hand playing with her fingers. Her gaze was loving and caring, so sincere it made me warm inside._

_"Thank you" And I tried to smile. She smiled right back. And right it that moment I was reminded why I fell for her in the first place. We were holding hands from across the table, gazing in each other's eyes, smiling, and I didn't want to be no place else. I let go of her, trying not to get lost in the moment, and we continued talking and drinking till I was feeling a little tipsy. She felt the same and I was about to call it a night but she ordered another glass of wine, and another after that. She might as well bought the whole bottle. She was clearly drunk so I had to drive her home. I was waiting on a red light and she had been unconscious for a while when I heard her mumble._

"Jane? …. Jane … Jane." God, it must have been the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Her tone in the second time she said my name was neutral, like she was just greeting me, and the third was like satisfied, like I've made something that she liked, and I could swear her lips curved a little. It was like she was having a happy dream about me. The honk of the car behind us reminded me that the red lights usually turn to a green after a while and you have to drive when they do that. So that's what I did, drove like on autopilot, and pulled up when we reached her house. She was leaning on the seat, her face turned towards me. I took all of my strength not to reach and touch her, but I couldn't help staring.

"Maura" My voice uneven like was the one who has been sleeping.  
"Maura, wake up." Now I was slightly shaking her wrist. "Maura, you have to wake up sweetie." I approached myself to her, leaning over. "Maura-"  
"Jane"  
"Yeah, it's me, you gotta-" she interrupted me again.  
"Jane you look so pretty… You are always so pretty" She sounded like a five-year old, unbelievably cute and I couldn't help my smile. She was still in her sleep, but even then she thought I was pretty.  
"Well, thank you … You're not so bad yourself." I said nonchalantly."But you have to wake up. We arrived. You're home."  
"Eemm" she seemed to come to her senses, she was in and out of it, I could tell. "I like home."  
"Yeah, you have a nice place. But you gotta wake up or I have to carry you."

"Carry you,I can't … oohh … umm, carry me." She wasn't making any sense and the Maura I knew was usually rational, and careful, her brain coming up with words that I sometimes had to think twice to understand them.

"Maura, I'm gonna carry you, ok?" I understood I had lost the battle, not worth fighting anymore. So I took of her seatbelt, got out and opened the passenger door.  
She didn't even turn her head to the noise so I was already trying to carry her. Then I got reminded. Her keys. I reached for her purse, found the keys, put them in my mouth and I was back to my task. It wasn't that hard, since she wasn't that heavy, and the years working out definitely helped. Even though I tried to be as quick about it and to reach her couch as soon as possible. I laid her there, arched and stretched my back because it was hurting a little and went to grab a glass of water. As I leaned against the counter, drinking, I let my mind replay the last minute. Her head over my shoulder, her whole body in my arms, leaning against my front. Her breath even in my neck and she was so close I could kiss her if I turned my head.

I scolded myself, than I headed to the couch to find her still asleep. I could leave her there, throw a blanket over, but she would complain tomorrow about neck and back pain and I would feel guilty. She would have enough torture with the hangover; I could do her a favor to let her rest in her own bed. I prepared myself for the weight so this time it seemed easier, and she even put her arms around my neck, instinctively I thought to myself. I was tucking her in when she reached for me again, trying to pull me down to her.

"Jane" I was already in her embrace.

"Maura, sweetie." I couldn't stop saying that tonight. I reached to pull her hands for my neck but she only held on tighter so I was obliged to put a knee over the bed and get closer to her.

_I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that we were hugging on her bed, when I felt her lips on mine. It may have been hours, days, years, it may have been just a second, or the clock may have just stopped, and the world may have not been spinning but my mind was. I wasn't there, I was nowhere but at the same time I was more there than anywhere I've ever been, my senses felt numb but I could smell her, hear her almost nonexistent moaning, feel her arms around my neck, see fireworks with my eyes closed. When I pulled back I realized the kissed has been chaste, our closed mouth had pressed for a few seconds against each other. It wasn't enough, I wanted more, I needed more. I kissed her again opening my mouth slightly, letting the feeling linger as I shifted to press my front against her side, my fingers going through her hair. When she responded I knew I would never be able to get enough of her kissing me. She moved her hand to my waits urging me to move again as the kiss became more urgent. I laid on my back as she straddled me, never breaking the kiss. As if the weight of her wasn't enough or how her hair brushed my cheek sending shivers down my spine, she pulled back, standing barely an inch away.  
"Jane…" it might have been a symphony. A whispered one. "Oh my god, Jane" She was shaking her forehead against mine, like she couldn't believe this was happening, but she wouldn't open her eyes because she didn't want this to stop. I knew this was the case because I was feeling the same. She needed insurance but I couldn't make my lips move even if someone paid me, to speak that is. So I put them in use for the next best thing, as my fingers had never left her hair, pulling her back to me. She moaned at the sudden contact and after some seconds I found my hands at the hem of her dress brushing the tip of my fingers against her thigh. I was fifteen again, afraid to make a move, embarrassed and withholding. She grabbed my wrist and moved my hands further down her dress and it was my turn to moan. My own voice served me as a wakeup call, and I broke the kiss abruptly sliding away from beneath her. It was either that or the kiss, or both that seemed to sober her up so she stood there on her knees looking at me like I had said the world was flat.  
"Jane, I… We… What … Oh my god." The talking Google Dr. Isles couldn't even form a simple sentence. For our good or bad luck, I could.  
"I can't do this. I am sorry. I'll leave now, I'm really sorry." What was apologizing for, I wasn't sure. For kissing her? I'd do it again in a heartbeat. For wanting more than just to kiss her? Maybe, but no, it wasn't that. For leaving her when she looked so scared and vulnerable? Yeah, that was the reason._

"Get out." Her voice came strong and firm. "Get out Jane. I don't want you here." I opened my mouth but nothing came from it. She couldn't even look at me. So I walked out of the room, as I had done many times after sleeping with her, but for some reason, tonight was more painful.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N Thank you to those who followed and reviewed. I'll try to update as frequent as possible. I'm sorry if the flashbacks are a little confusing to you, but I have it all clear in my head. In this chapter, you'll see why this is rated M. Review please, it's my first time writing smut or anything similar to it._

**Maura POV**

She hasn't called, she avoided coming down to the morgue, sending Frost. I am sitting in my office waiting for her to come through the door , and say she wants me and then take me. Claim me and possess me like only she knows how. Less than 12 hours have passed and I already miss her. Seeing her, being near her, even if just enjoying her company. I've grown addicted to it. I was used to being alone before she came, and even a few months into our friendship but the more time I spent with her, the more I felt like I was changing. On the outside I'm still the same, calm and calculative, logic always comes first for me but when it comes to her I seem to forget everything I've read about social interaction, and the rules just don't apply.

Someone knocked.

"Hey" Her voice deep as always but she looked different. She was leaning against the door, her hand in the handle.

"Hi" I tried not to grin, so she wouldn't think I had been so desperate to see her. "What are you doing here?" The question sounded like I was bothered, when I was just surprised and her face changed a little, but her eyes still lingered on the floor.

"I came to see about that tox report. Any news?" It only lasted a second before her confidence kicked in again. She let herself in, taking two small steps, just so she wasn't staying in the threshold.

"No, nothing yet. I'll have someone send it upstairs later, it shouldn't be long." My tone didn't leave room for further discussion.

"Okay. I'll be waiting then." She turned around to the still opened door and she stopped just for a second. If she turns around again… I thought to myself. If she turns around again I'll forget about last night, not all of it of course, just the fight. If she turns around again, and looks at me with those brown eyes of hers, I'll forget even my name. If she turns around, I'll need all of my strength to keep me from jumping over her.

She didn't turn. She shook her head as if dismissing the thought and left.

I was about to head out when I received a text from her.  
"Almost done here. You think you have time to meet later? I'd like to talk."  
It didn't go unnoticed the fact that she expected me to say no. Her text was cold and distant and she didn't really wait for me to reply positively but I did.  
"I'm heading out. Meet me at the Dirty Robber at 7:30?"  
She responded shortly, like she couldn't find more words.  
"Yes.

I found her at the Robber later, her beer already half drank, her shoulders slouched, her head on her palms, her elbows to the table.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up-" I stopped when she raised her head. Her eyes were red and swollen.  
"It's okay. I was early anyway." Her voice broke and she was trying to pull herself together. I sat across from her and wanted to reach for her hand. I didn't.

"Jane, if you wanna be alone, or meet another day-"

"No, no. Please …Don't go." The way she said it. I wouldn't move an inch if that meant she would feel just a little bit better.

"Ok. Do you wanna talk?" I said. She nodded. She opened her mouth but closed it again without a sound.

"Jane, you have to talk to me if you have something to say." I was trying to push her but not put too much pressure in her.

"I …I can't Maur." There it was again, those two words. "I don't know how to- Huh, I can't"  
"Don't know how to what?" Now I was really pushing. Her eyes found mine, I had missed that. But they were sad, and teary, and if I looked long enough I could-

"Don't make me say it. It hurts to admit it out loud, because I want to. Maura …" She reached for my head. I couldn't pull away. "Maura … I want to. Do you believe me?"

She was so afraid of the answer. Her voice was so soft, but shaky and of course deep, it was hers. She had planned this speech a long time ago, I could tell, and if I said no, it would destroy her. I didn't need to.

"Yes. Yes, Jane, I believe you." She sighed and smiled, but her face fell when she realized I wasn't done. "But this doesn't make it better. Actually, I'm afraid it makes it worse." There must be a feeling deeper and worse that pain. She looked at me with such eyes, I've only seen that look on her once.

**4 weeks ago**

_We haven't talked since that night at my house. She met me the next morning and apologized saying she wished she could take it back. That she didn't want this to effect our friendship, and she was ready to do anything to go back to being friends. _

_Forget the whole night had ever happened. I was so confused and so afraid to lose her completely that I agreed that we should let it slip. Like a onetime thing, like a drunken mistake or whatever name there is for that type of situation._

_The last case had been hard on us, a serial rapist and killer finally behind bars had taken us all of our personal time. For Jane it was okay, with Casey back in Afghanistan for counseling, she would be alone for 3 more weeks, so work wasn't such a burden. _

_I entered the bullpen to find her alone, everybody else had cleared out to get the much needed rest after the case was closed. Now I understood why Frost had text me to keep an eye on her. I found her doing paperwork, but I could see she was exhausted. She turned around to look at me and I knew she needed to go home. I finally managed to convince her to leave but she said she didn't want to go home and be alone so I offered to go to my place. Not the smartest decision but she was so beaten, I couldn't just leave her. We went to my place and we laid on the couch, hopping we could watch a movie._

_I've always felt comfortable with her but that night something was happening, I could feel it. She kept looking at me, like she wanted to say or do something but she didn't dare. I supposed it should be awkward since the last time she was at my place we had kissed and she had left almost without saying anything. I expected another apology or explanation somehow, so when I turned around after putting the glasses of wine in a counter and found her lips on mine, my knees got weak. _

_She put an arm firmly on my waist, while her hand on my hair was trying to pull me even closer. I put my hand on her chest and pushed her back but didn't go too far. Both of her hands came to my wrist and she pushed my hands flush against her skin. I could feel her heartbeat, the doctor in me saying she had gone tachycardic, and I should worry. _

_"Maura, please…" Her voice was filled with need. I had never heard her talk like that and I felt my own heart beating faster. "Maura, please … Just let me- … Please, please, I need you. Maura-"_

_My mind was giving me one hundred reasons in a minute of why this was wrong but the truth is I needed her too. So I kissed her, and kissed her, and we made our way to the bedroom without parting our lips once. We didn't part even when she took of her shirt and I unhooked her bra. _

_We were moving so fast, not only metaphorically but physically. My hands were trying to reach as much skin as possible and she tried to have me as close to her as we could be, pulling my hips against hers and kissing me like I would disappear in a few seconds. The only time we were a few inches away was while I was taking off my dress and she took off her slacks and panties. I only got a glimpse of her naked body but it was enough to make me want her, enough I had to have my hands all over her again. I laid on my sheets and only this close we could slow down a little. My hands were on her back reaching from her sides as she had one hand caressing my jaw and neck as the other explored my waist and hips. I've had several lovers but I have to say that no one can even begin to compare with her. Something about her light weight over me, and her arms long and thin all around me wrapping me up. Something about her hair cascading over my chest as she moved to kiss my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. I felt her unclasping the bra and taking it off and I hadn't open my eyes but I felt she stopped and pulled back. My worry didn't even last a second cause then I saw her standing with her knees between my legs, completely in awe. She dragged her pointing finger from my collarbone between my breast reaching the navel. God, was it even possible? Her slightest touch was enough to make me shiver and strive for more._

_"Oh my God Maura." Her voice raspy and low and for a moment it became too much. Her piercing dark eyes all over me, her hand lying flat on my torso, her scent still lingering on me from the kissing and now her voice. "Jesus Maura, you're beautiful." And the way she said, it wasn't lustful, it was almost innocent. "You're so absolutely beautiful."_

_She approached me gently this time like I was some glass statue. I didn't know if this was more arousing or the ferocious kissing. She reached to the waist band of my panties as she was leaving a trail of soft kisses on the top of my breast. _

_"Maura…" Like she was asking for permission. _

_"Uh um" was the only sound I could make and she gently pulled the panties down, like she could scratch me, and took another look. And I did the same this time, gazing over every detail I had missed from the clothes._

_She wasn't beautiful. She was more. Something wild and fierce but at the same time soft, her body toned and tan with almost sculpted lines. I decided to kiss those lines, each and every one of them, and I let her to do the same. Our kisses drew more passionate by the minute and her hands approached my center so slowly it was almost painful, as if she was waiting for me to say stop. I pulled her flush to me and began a trail of open mouthed kisses from her neck to the tip of her shoulder, then going back and nibbling her earlobe._

_"Yes, please. It's alright, you can…Yes." She hadn't asked. Out loud. _

_She approached her fingers rubbing my folds, her hands almost shaking. The last thing I remember clearly was that I wanted to reassure her, that she was doing this right, that she might have been unpracticed technically but for me it wasn't the moves. It was who was making the moves. That was my last thought and then it all became feeling, and enjoying, blurry images and her fingers moving inside me. _

_Then after a while, small noises, mine or hers I couldn't tell, one hand keeping me steady at the waist, her lips in my breast, as her fingers curved inside me and I felt myself shaking involuntary, the world went black. When I came to my senses she was holding me tight, her breath in my ear whispering nothings. I think it was my name, and some adjectives and verbs. I'm not sure. I felt so completely overjoyed and exited, but at the same time so at peace and satisfied. She moved her head to my chest, using it like a pillow and we fell asleep like that, in each other's arms._


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N The flashbacks continue and I am sorry if the tenses of verbs have confused you.  
Their first kiss happened 6 weeks before the meeting at the Dirty Robber. The flashbacks on chapter 2 (their first time), happened 4 weeks before the Robber. The events in this chapter (their first date) happen 2 weeks after the first time. So, all their sexual encounters, which are also milestones in their relationship are separated by 2 weeks, if that makes it easier for you. _**

**_(That's how long they can manage to keep their hands to themselves)._**

**_..._**

**_We find our ME and Detective at the Robber again, a continuation of their conversation where it was left the last time, and we have another flashback, of their second sexual encounter. Now from Jane's POV. The few sentences in bold are their thoughts at the moment (if that helps to understand it better). This chapter was the hardest for me to write but it's also my favorite. I hope you enjoy it too, and thank you all for the support. Please remember that reviews are more that appreciated. _**

* * *

**Jane POV**

"Yes. Yes, Jane, I believe you." I sighed and smiled, but it when off quickly when I realized she wasn't done. "But this doesn't make it better. Actually, I'm afraid it makes it worse." What? What was that supposed to mean? I was as confused and hurt as I've ever been to hear her say that, and it must have showed in my face cause her gaze softened for just one second.

"Don't say that please. Look I know it isn't perfect ok?" I was ready to rip my heart out and give it to her if that meant she would believe me.

She nodded and let me continue. "But it's not worse. I'm trying Maur', really trying and I know it's not enough, that you need more, you deserve more but that's what scares me." I couldn't look her in the eyes when I was about to break both of our hearts. "We can't and we won't be together."

My voice came out firm and she moved her hands from the table and sat up to leave. She stumbled a bit when she got up and I would reach for her if I had the strength to let go after I'd touched her.

So I decided not to take a chance, and let her walk out of the bar, walk out of our friendship, affair or whatever but I couldn't make her walk out from my heart. I owed her that, the devotion of loving her, that came with the devastation of not having her, but it never made me love her any less. I realized this was the first time I was admitting this to myself, let alone someone else. I loved Maura Isles, no, I was in love with Maura… my Maura, as I knew her.

**2 weeks ago**  
_  
I was so angry, Casey and I fought on Skype as he said he would take one more month to come home. At first I was about to yell and get mad but then I realized I didn't care enough to do that. _

_I hadn't missed him that much so if he needed three more weeks I was ready to give it to him. That way I got mad at myself for being so neglectful of him and the fact we didn't have any lead on the case didn't make it better. This woman had been dead for 24 hours, her killer may have fled the country and we still didn't have any clue who he or she might be. _

_I decided to work it out, take all the anger out on the leather dummy. 2 hours of sweating later I thought it was time to hit the shower and lay down because I was exhausted. It was 8 pm when the phone rang. Her name flashed and I hesitated for a second before pressing answer. _

_"Jane?" As I didn't say any word._

_"Yeah, Maura. What is it?"_

_"Nothing important. I was just wondering if you'd like to go out and have a drink."  
I did a double take on the phone. It was like she was asking me out on a date. I chuckled._

_"Yeah? You were just wondering huh?" My voice a little flirty even though it was not intentional._

_"Well, yes. If you can't or don't want to-" Her voice insecure._

_"No, no. I … want to." I smiled on the phone, feeling like I was 16 all over again. I could swear she was smiling back._

_"Pick you up in half an hour? I'm already dressed." Her voice got a little excited at the last sentence. Typical Maura._

_"Ok, see you in half an hour." I hung up and I realized I haven't asked where we were going but since she was picking me up, and mentioned she was dressed, it meant she was fixed up to the nines. _

* * *

_I wore a dress and heels too, no way I was going to embarrass myself or her going to a fancy restaurant looking like I just got off work. I even tried to brush my hair a little but I let them hang over my shoulders in the end. _

_When she knocked and I opened the door all my bundled self-esteem in the last minutes fell to the floor. She looked breathtaking. Her lazy curls above one of her shoulders making up for the strapless dress she was wearing and the one bare side of her neck decorated with a pair of earrings that I would think are too heavy, but she could pull them off amazingly. _

_Her dress tight all around but she didn't look cheap as it went to her knees and the material seemed to be high quality and good design too. I was so in awe I didn't see she was almost gaping too._

_"You look gorgeous." She said and I couldn't figure out if she was surprised or was just being polite._

_"Thanks… Well, that dress definitely does you justice" I didn't mean to but my eyes washed her over once again and I smirked. I was flirting and I didn't even realized it until it was too late._

_"Thank you" She smiled and I saw her blush a little even though she tried to be as normal as possible. _

_"Where are we going?" _

_"Surprise" And she let out that blinding grin of her, and I couldn't even frown let alone make a sound. _

* * *

_We drove to a fancy French restaurant who's name I couldn't pronounce correctly let alone spell and after I gave her permission she ordered for both of us, apologizing I couldn't have beer with that because "the authentic flavor of it would be spoiled" or something like that. _

_The dishes came and we sat there eating almost in silence as I waited for her to begin. To ask, to scream, anything.  
As if she was feeling my tension she reached for my arm and said._

_"I just want to have a quiet dinner now Jane. And I want to have it with you. This place is lovely and I haven't been here before so I'd like to enjoy it." She made sure we were making eye contact all the time. "We can talk later in the evening, if you'd like that."_

_God, she was being so polite. I spent the night with her and didn't even have the decency to be there when she woke up, or explain myself later and she acted like I haven't done anything wrong. She was giving me a way out, making me feel more guilty. I smiled, a few more seconds passed and as I was appreciating the restaurant, it hit me.  
"You had made reservation for today didn't you?"_

_"Yes, I had." She answered sharply, not wanting to talk anymore about it but I wasn't ready to let go just yet._

_"How come? I mean … you called me barely minutes ago, I could have said no. Did you … did you had plans with someone else?"The last sentence came out a little louder that I indented. I saw her switch in defense mode, watching out for hives._

_"No. I didn't have plans with anyone else about tonight."Her voice was calculative, like she was giving a job interview._

_"So you didn't have any plans?" I was watching her chest for hives. "You didn't have any idea if I would even answer the phone, let alone come. For more, reservations to places like this take weeks, you couldn't possibly …" I stopped as I realized, and her head dropped down a little as she stared at the table avoiding my eyes._

_"Maura … when exactly have you made this reservations and for whom?" that was a very direct question she couldn't avoid._

_"I have made the reservations 3 weeks ago, and my intention, as previously said, was for you to join me."_

_"3 weeks ago? That's one week after … oh my! And you didn't cancel even after …" Any guilt I was feeling earlier magnified and now it was like a tight knot on my throat, making it hard for me to even breathe._

_"Jane, please. I don't want to have this conversation right now, here. Can we just finish our meal and discuss later about the chronology of the events?"She she forced a smile, and I could never say no to her face like that._

_I nodded and in every bite I tried to swallow a little bit of my guilt too, but it wasn't working. She remained calm on the surface, but I knew her. I had spoiled her evening with my questions and what was yet to come would be even more unpleasant._

* * *

_We drove quietly to her place and she didn't even ask if I wanted to go home. As polite and kind she was, I owed her a conversation and she wanted to be in her own territory as if to win more ground before hand. We stepped inside, took off our heels and when she opted for the couch I followed her. She didn't change her dress or worried about getting wrinkled when she sat on the couch and that was saying something. I sat as away from her as I could and turned a little to face her._

_"Maura, I … I don't know where to begin." She had the same puzzled look as I and I knew right there this wouldn't be easy, not even close._

_"Maura, I can't even apologize. I don't know what to say, how to make it better and the-"_

_"How about what you feel?"She straightened up and it was a losing game from then on, I knew it. "I don't want your apologies, I want to know how you feel."_

_"Well, I … I'm afraid I can't answer that." I had already resigned._

_"You are a human Jane. You are capable of emotions and you're intelligent and grown up enough to understand and name them. I don't want an explanation, I don't want reasons, no apologies, I want to know …" She reached for my hand and the look in her eyes was soft, maybe not everything was lost. I met her halfway and squeezed, I needed insurance, someone to tell me it would be okay."I want to know, what you feel."_

_"I feel …" Terrified, confused, angry, but neither strong enough to compare. She smiled as I began and I smiled back. "Good, this… you … and me … I … feel good."_

_ I couldn't say more than that and I hopped she understood I didn't mean just there in the moment, and that good was too poor to describe what I felt around her. I must have thought out loud or something cause her hand moved to my face and she kissed me._

_ Soft and gentle, and very short but when she pulled back; I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her leave, I needed her, God, I craved her. I craved the touch of her hand on my shoulder, pulling me closer, her lips moving against mine, her tongue as we were kissing asking for permission that I would never deny, not in this lifetime. Her warmth all around me, her body pressed underneath mine. It was the third time I had her like that and I thought __**"I could do this; I can spend all my evenings with you all around me."**_

_ She reached for the hem of my dress and began caressing the inside of my thigh, just a little above my knee. I grabbed the wrist of the hand that was playing with my curls and took it to zipper. _

_In that moment, her lips on my neck changed the rhythm, and as she sucked and kissed every place she could reach, I fell my dress being pulled of my shoulder, and left there between us still on me, but now she could move her kisses lower in my chest. __**I wanted you, I had you but I still wanted you, like this wasn't close enough.**_

_ I stood up, and urged her to do the same.  
"Take it off, all of it, I want it off." I was screaming and whispering and she shot me one look that I got scared, thinking she wanted this to end, right there and then. _

_She undressed quickly and I did the same and she took my hand and we almost ran to the bedroom. I was like déjà-vu._

_As soon as she closed the door behind us, I pushed her against it, kissing her like I wanted to breathe from her lungs and then let her go stepping back. She is so gorgeous, so absolutely ravishing that I couldn't even find the words. I reached for her and cupped her cheek. _

_"Maura … you … are … breathtaking." I took a pause to hold my breath between each word, and I didn't have to fake it. It was painful to infuse my lungs with sufficient air as she was looking at me with those eyes, those eyes who got teary so I kissed them, and then kissed her forehead, then her nose, her chin, her throat, her collarbones one by one, her chest. _

_Each kiss was barely a brush of lips but I was taking my time and my hands in her waist felt her skin get goose bumps. I smiled against her breast and moved my hand to cup them. I was leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses on her soft skin there and when I reached her nipple she whimpered. So I continued to lap and suck and nibble and do anything else it came in my mind as I heard her reaction, to find out what did she like best. I gave the same treatment to the other and I haven't even realized but I was being pulled against her again, in her bed this time. _

_I acted totally on instinct and reached my hand between her thighs and left enough space if she wanted to do the same, which she did. Her fingers were warm, thin and gentle as she rubbed back and forth and I had to bite her shoulder to stifle a moan. _

_She whimpered and her touch became fast and more frantic but she stopped abruptly as I used two of my fingers to enter her. I was caught between the feeling of her warmth and wetness tightening around my fingers and the slight discomfort at the lost contact. _

_I picked up my pace, tried to find what she liked more, and continued my casual kissing and nipping at her neck, her earlobe, her jaw, her cheek, and whispered her name over and over again against her skin. I straddled one of her thighs, my hips moving in sync with my hands. My thumb was running circles over and around her most sensitive spot and she was thrusting against me, clutching at my shoulder blades and letting out soft moans that only made me hungrier._

_"Oohh … God … Oh my … aaahhh … Jane… Yes, yes… I'm ... am … so cl… oohhh… Jane" Her eyes fluttered a few times as she was trying to keep my gaze and I didn't need to hear the ending of that sentence._

_ I thrusted a few more times as hard and fast as I could then curled my fingers inside her. She began shaking and I felt myself tremble too, I slowed down, still inside her. Each and every time I seemed to think she has never looked more beautiful flew out of the window at the sight of her biting her lip, shutting her eyes closed, her mouth slightly opened. As selfish as it may seem I'll admit I feel good for being the one to make her feel that way. My fingers were now still as she was tightening around them, but I didn't move them until I knew it was too much, and she became too sensitive. Now came my second favorite part, when I just held her._

_When our breathing became normal, she turned her head and found me staring at her. I bit my lip and reached for her waist rolling her on top of me, putting my lips on hers, breathing her in. She smiled and tilted her head; in that cute way that only she knows how, so that she might be the most gorgeous thing I'll ever lay my eyes on. But she wasn't mine, and I wasn't hers either. _

_I crawled from underneath her and I saw her face change several times, millions of thoughts, I didn't dare to ask, but she looked calm when I entered the bathroom. _

_I washed my face and guilt crept over me again. I was cheating on my loving fiancé, who was a good person and cared about me, so he didn't deserve it. I was letting my lust taking the best of me and I was using my best friend. I didn't even have the strength to look at myself in the mirror. _

_When I came back she was lying on her side, her eyes closed but there was no way she was asleep already. The knot in my throat came again, and I knew she was waiting for me to make a move. She wasn't pressuring me, she was giving me a choice , but I knew better than to think she didn't care. She must have felt me in the room, and when I walked over the door._

_"Don't leave." Her voice too loud and firm for her to be sleeping. I wasn't surprised. "Stay."  
Her eyes were still closed and if I didn't see her mouth moving I would've thought I was hearing voices._

_"Maura, I…" She opened her eyes and turned to look at me, on a sitting position now. _

_"You can't?" Her voice was soft and pained, but there was so much disappointment in there I thought it would crush me. "Why?" __**Casey's not home… **__I heard it in my mind, she didn't need to say it._

_"Maura, I'm so…" I didn't know what to say at all._

_"Sorry? God, Jane you've apologized so much, I doubt you even know what you are sorry for. Why Jane? Why are you sorry?" There was anger added to the pain this time and she was trying to swallow the tears._

_The truth is I didn't really know, maybe because it was a lot of things, maybe because it was everything and nothing. Because this situation was so messed up but 10 minutes ago, there, with her, it felt so right. I lowered my head._

_"You can't do this Jane. Not anymore. You are engaged Jane, you belong to someone else." She huffed and stood up. There was silence for a minute, she was trying to gather her thoughts. "I thought you were just confused. I thought you were having cold feet and we got drunk and things got a little out of hand. I don't know. I would've understood that Jane. But this? I can't let you do this. I wanna ask you something. I need an honest answer."_

_I nodded._

_"What do you feel for me? Or no, better, what do you want? From me? From us?"_

I bit my lip and I tried so hard to come up with a straight and clear answer but everything mingled in my head.

_**Your body, your warmth, your touch, your lips on mine, the smell of your hair, your smile, the sound of your laugh … all. **__I couldn't find the courage to name any of them. Her voice came low but still hard._

_"I need to hear it from you Jane. Cause I'm not blind or stupid. But I need to hear it from you."_

_I got lost. What was she …_

_"I've seen the way you look at me, like I'm the only one in the room. And other times like I'm the most beautiful thing you've even seen." Her voice shivered occasionally but she managed to keep down the tears. The only thing I could do was stare, not moving. "And the way you talk to me, your voice always gets soft and gentle, and even when you use sarcasm your eyes remain loving and caring and I can't even begin to get mad at you…" _

_She approached and we were just a foot away. "And I feel the way you touch me, the way you claim me, but yet you seem to get scared. I feel how much you want me, and I feel you holding back, like I'm some glass statue that you can break."_

_I needed to get out, this woman had been reading my mind and I thought she hasn't even noticed. I turned around, took a step._

_"You can't do this Jane." All the gentleness had left her voice and anger was the only thing I could hear. "You come here, you kiss me like your life depends on it, you say you need me, you say I'm beautiful, you take me and ravish me, and I've never been handled that way in my life." She was talking now, but not to me, it was like she was thinking out loud. Too loud. _

_"Never someone has been so strong and raw yet so gentle and caring, never someone stopped to look at me for minutes, but I wasn't surprised. They didn't know me well enough, I didn't know them either, but you … just… You overpowered every expectancy I had, and in just one night you turned my life upside down. So no Jane, you can't do this, and if you walk out that door, you don't have the right to touch me again."_

_I was beyond numbness, her anger was so fierce and it scared me. The Maura I knew was gentle and polite, she was kind and chipper most of the time, she smiled and laughed, she enjoyed from the smallest things in live to expensive and refined items. The Maura I knew … I would never hurt her. Tears were creeping down my cheeks, so I did what I knew to do best. I ran away … again._

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**A/NYes, Jane is a little hard to love, but you have to admit this isn't so out of character. She is not that comfortable being that close to people, letting them in, and Maura is the one who has always been the closest to her. With the physical approach now it seems to be "TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT". Hope that makes sense.**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N  
Here we are again with the flashbacks. This is the last chapter in which you'll find them, and it's all a flashback. The first sentences that are at a present time in beginning of chapter 1, are here as a flashback, if you remember. It'll be in italic and underlined, so it'll be easier to notice. I hope you figure it out.  
Is still smutty, with a little drama in it. Jane continues to be a jackass, but I promise, this is the last time. I know it may seem boring, the same thing all over again, but that's the only way I see them happening. It has to be too repeated to ignore, for them to notice they're made for each other.  
The events happen 24 hours before the meeting at the Robber. I'll continue what happened after Maura left the Robber in the next chapter. Thanks to all who followed, favourited, and reviewed this. I'm trying to do my best, hope I satisfy.

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24 Hours Ago

** Maura's POV**

_ I must be demented or delusional. There is no other reason except that I may suffer from some sort of mental illness, for me to be thinking what I'm thinking. I've been in a strange and intense string of emotions. I've been resentful, proud, neglecting. I've been also hopeful, aware of the smallest of gestures, so much it makes me feel pathetic. But this is Jane, she's not some random man -or woman for that matter- so I can't just walk away from her. I've tried not too think about it but it's as impossible as trying to force myself not to breathe. I'm not giving up on her, not without a last attempt to figure out what we have. _

_It hasn't been easy._

_It's been almost 2 weeks since the last time I've had her hold me,almost 2 weeks since our last kiss,almost 2 weeks since the last time she looked at me, really looked at me. Her behavior towards me is professional to say the least; she doesn't even treat me like a friend anymore. Our playful but subtle flirting has disappeared, her eyes don't linger on mine anymore and she had avoided touching me, as best as she could._

* * *

_So when I found myself in front of her house, my hand on the car door handle, ready to get out, I knew I would probably regret this soon enough. But not now, now I wanted her. The emptiness in the pit of my stomach wouldn't go away with nothing less than her strong arms around me. Pride had left me a few days ago and my self control would run short as soon as I saw her. I knew that, so when she opened the door, only in tank top and shorts, her eyes half-opened and sleepy, her hair bed made, I couldn't help myself. My arms went around her waist and my cheek found her shoulder as her hand was still on the opened door. She hesitated for a second._

_"Maura, what are-" My lips were on her neck, her jaw then mouth as I tried to push us away from the door, like I was afraid she could throw me out. That didn't happen. _

_She pushed the door closed behind me, returning my embrace and kiss. I enjoyed the feeling of her hand on the back of my neck, the other caressing my cheek. __**Ok, now it's the time. Just keep looking her in the eyes the whole time.**_

_"Jane" My hands and lips left her body but my feet didn't move. "Tell me you want me to stop." _

_I was sure she could feel my breath close to her lips, so I wasn't playing a fair game. But it was just that, a game, a push-and-pull, a dance not much different from the one we've been making for years, only more physical. Her eyes seemed to search for something, than her hands found the hem of my blouse making a small move upwards. I knew she was trying to deflect but still had to keep my breath from hitching. _

_I moved away a little, we weren't touching anymore but if I wanted to, I could reach her. She didn't answer; she just kept looking at me, and then pulled me in for a kiss that was so hungry that my world spins even at its memory. When she pulled back after a few seconds, the look in her eyes scared me, I thought this is it. __**Now she'll ask me to leave, she just took one last taste; I would've done the same. I have to try once more, keep close, keep looking at her.**_

_ "Jane … ask me to leave." I wanted to sound as a command and it did. But I'm sure she's seen the want in my eyes. "You have to tell me, if you don't want me t-" Now it was her lips on mine, causing me to stop._

_ "But I do want you… So, so bad." I was too lost in her to think of grammar or even to appreciate the choice of words and their timing. Now her hands on my blouse take it off completely and I do the same with her tank top. She was braless and her breast pressed against my chest as I was my sneakers. The feeling of this woman's warmth could leave me breathless, and her moaning my name as I moved my lips to her neck, didn't help me. But she tilted my head and looked at me, brown pools filled with lust, desire and if I dare to imagine: love. She smiled and I did the same. She approached again, starting her own kisses on the exposed skin of my chest, I couldn't let her._

_I pushed her and then pulled her hips to mine, my mouth going to her shoulders, doing something I should be good at from the sounds she was making. We made our way to the bedroom, kissing and touching. I had done it before but her curves still amazed me, and I couldn't even realize how could she manage to be both soft and strong, or how her hair seemed so unruly but yet gorgeous__. _

_Her skin felt hot against my fingers as I took them to unlace the knot of her shorts. I moved myself lower as I guided her to sit on the bed. Fortunately Jane was independent and proud enough to keep her old place, so no guilt or disgust on sleeping on the same bed she slept with him. I was now straddling her, as she laid on her back only her boy shorts on. I kissed her again and if she would be a substance, I would surely become addicted, I already was. She wanted to turn us over but tonight my hunger was insatiable. I pushed her almost forcefully, my tongue seeking dominance that she granted me. But it didn't last long; as I moved my attention to her neck, biting and sucking and I'm sure it must have been just a little bit painful from the moans coming out of her. But I couldn't help it, I needed her so much, I needed to possess her body as she had done to my heart, and if a few bruises were as close as I would get to mark her as mine, I would leave them._

_As I moved to her chest, my hands had already taken care of her boy shorts so I took a moment to just see her. Raven hair spread over white sheets, her perfect tan skin gleaming with sweat, chest heaving, her back arched, eyes closed, her long legs bent at the knees, slightly opened. _

_ "Perfect." She opened her eyes for a brief second at the sound and closed them again, as my lips were on one of her dark nipples, sucking, licking and biting. One of her hands reached my head to draw me closer, the other took a fistful of sheet._

_"Don't stop, don't stop, please don't stop."Her voice sometimes is enough to make me want her, but this time was even deeper and lower than usual, and the effect she's having on my now, should be illegal. She was now answering my earlier question, without even noticing._

_ I had Jane Rizzoli begging me, and the night was still young. I moved my attention to the other breast, while she moaned and arched her back. I took this opportunity to put an arm under her waist encircling from behind, gaining some control. I moved my lips and tongue to her phenomenal abdomen, enjoying how her breath hitched and body squirmed from my movements._

_"God, Maura, you are so- ooohhh" My lips where brushing below her naval now, my breath causing her to moan and I felt goose bumps on my palm, resting just under her rib cage I couldn't help but smirk as I raised my head to see her, and she pushed her hips up, desperate to regain the lost contact. _

_If it wasn't for my own arousal, which has started to become painful, I would prolong her torture a little longer. I pulled one of her legs above my shoulder, and started kissing her inner thigh, so close to my mouth. _

_I felt overwhelmed, there she was. This gorgeous human being: open, and vulnerable, waiting for me to please her, and I wanted nothing more than that. The sounds she was making were almost animalistic, the heat emitting from her body mixing with my own, the smoothness of her skin better than any silk money could ever buy. But my favorite was something else. It was her smell, her smell stronger than I had ever felt it, so strong I could almost taste her, or was I already? I opened my eyes and I have reached her center, so I continued kissing and licking her there, letting myself be guided by instinct. She hadn't been the vocal type in our previous encounters but I wasn't this giving those times either._

_"Yes, aahh, yes, oohh ...Maura… Ff—" Her sounds interrupted as she was biting her lower lip. I dared to look at her and she noticed my absence, her eyes fluttering open._

_"Jane, look at me" She did and that's the look that made me fall for her in the first place. Her confidence long gone, soft and sincere -as I liked to believe- a look only reserved for me._

_It was then when I used one of my fingers to enter her slowly and her gaze adverted before I called for her again. When I had her attention I pulled out, then back in. Out, in, slowly, just on finger, while her eyes never left mine and she was gasping and moaning repeatedly. I had created a steady pace when I lowered my head to her again, but now paying attention to the small bundle of nerves. _

_"Maur, aahh, Maur, more, more" I wasn't sure if she was saying my given nickname, or asking for more but for both cases I increased the speed on my moving fingers and added another digit, making her jerk her hips involuntarily. _

_A few seconds later, and I could tell she wouldn't last much long. So I combined my tongue, teeth and fingers in the most pleasurable way I could imagine. She tightened around me, her whole body contracted, no sounds came from her for a few seconds, than a delicious moan. I didn't move a single muscles and I let her ride her wave of pleasure against me. And when she was over, she tugged at my hair, and then pulled me up for a kiss. I felt her moan in pleasure as she could taste herself, and only when her thigh was forced against my center I understood I sensitive I was. _

_My whimper was all she needed so she tightened her thigh and let me ride it. Her fingers went through my hair, pushing it back, exposing my neck. She kissed, sucked, bit, licked ever part of my neck and chest she could reach, her aggression growing as my rhythm increased with my pleasure and the volume of my moans. __Her breath on my neck as she whispered my name, was the last thing I remembered. _

* * *

_When I fully came to my senses, my head was on her shoulder, our legs intertwined, and her hand slowly caressing my back. _

_"Hey" Her smile was genuine but it became sad soon._

_"Hey" I would frown if I could but I just smiled back._

_"That was … extraordinary" Her grin made her eyes sparkle but it didn't last long. The same sadness taking over soon._

_"Yeah, it was" I pushed my head further on her chest, placing two chaste kisses on the warm skin. I could almost hear her thinking, but I didn't like it. I was begging to her in my head not to leave, I wasn't sure how much more pain I could endure. And it seemed unnecessary to me, we were happy, right here, right now, we were more than alright outside of the bed too, we were best friends, used to be at least. She was the most wonderful, frustrating, complicated person I've ever met, and she was mine, or at least could be, if she let go. And I was hers, would've given everything for her, done whatever she wanted as long as I had her like this, on my side._

_"Maura …" My thoughts were interrupted, her voice was hesitant._

_" Don't" I shook my head, eyes closed._

_"It's three in the morning." She said it like it was a cue. Did she want me to leave?_

_"So?" I decided to play dumb._

_"We got work in a few hours. I .. we need to get some sleep." Her tone was confusing me._

_"I know." And I lowered my head on her chest again._

_"Maura, come on." She moved from under me, I could see she was getting a little angry. "Just, I … you really don't understand?" She was on her feet and I sat up still on bed._

_"Underestand what?" Now my voice was rising too._

_"This…um, sleepover thing" Like someone was dragging the words out of her mouth._

_"You mean, sleeping after we've had sex?" I was on my knees on her bed, facing her, just two feets away. "I'm not sure sleepover it's the right term for it. As sleepover refers to an-"_

_"Ok. Ok. No googlemouth right now."Even frustrated the term made us both smile but only for a second. "I'm not strong enough Maura." Her tone was serious again, as was her face._

_"Strong enough to do what?" My voice became gentle again._

_"Ugh, this is .. just… this." Her hand was waving between us, indicating our naked bodies."This should happen again."_

_"What?" My mouth opened, my frown visible. "You say it like it was my fault. I asked you Jane, I asked you to tell me-"_

_"I know, don't you think I know that? And what it meant?" We were both screaming all of the sudden. "But I'm engaged Maura, that means I'm going to marry soon. Marry someone else."  
She had her left hand up, facing at me, showing her ring, she sounded mad._

_"I know that, I try to keep it in my mind the whole time, so I don't just do what I did tonight. But Jane, you didn't even try to stop me." _

_"Of course I didn't. I couldn't." We've reached to a point of our fight when our voices go from a whisper to a scream without warning, or the other way around._

_"What?" I wanted to hear it again._

_"I couldn't Maura. Of course I couldn't." She's screaming and tears are threatening to fall from her eyes. "I can't push you away Maura, not when you kiss me like that, I don't have the strength to. That's why we should keep our distance." Her voice became more leveled but she was still crying._

_"You think we're able to?" I was on the verge of tears myself, this conversation was so emotional, filled with words left unspoken. "You think-" I reached and grabbed her hand, squeezed and forced her to look at me. "You think I can? When I have you like this, all I wanna do is touch you, feel your warmth, even if it's all innocent, I wanna be near you. All the time, this close."_

_ Now our upper bodies were almost touching, I was looking up at her, could kiss her easily. I tugged at her hand to pull her in bed with me._

_"Can't do it, Maura." Now her face was steel._

_"Can't sleep with me? So you can fuck me, but you can't spend the night with me?" I knew I had hit the right spot. The curse word flowing out of me without thinking._

_"No, I can't." And she said it like it was my fault, like I was supposed to understand._

"How do you do it huh?" My head held high, I could see a slight fear in her

_features, but confusion above all. "How is it that you give me so little, but still have me coming back?" I was so frustrated, at myself more than at her, I was sure she noticed._

_"Don't say that, please." She tried to reach for my head. My reaction was similar to someone who's being threatened with a knife._

_"You wanna know how I feel Jane, cause you seem to have difficulties expressing your sentiments. Wanna know mine?"_

_She wanted to shake her head, now I seemed to be the one who carried the knife. She nodded instead, so small I would've missed it if I wasn't that concentrated._

_"I feel used Jane." The moment I said the words, I regretted them. The (metaphorical) knife I was holding went straight through her, her pain so real I could see her flinch, ever so slightly._

_"Please, please Maura. Don't... don't ... don't." She was shaking her head opening her arms, like she didn't know what to do this them, and at the same time wanting me close. I tilted my head in acknowledgment but didn't lean in. I wouldn't be that weak._

_"Why?" She was confused for a second, but came quickly to her senses. My voice was firm, she had to answer and it better be a reasonable one._

_"I'm not strong enough Maura. What do you want me to say? I mean, I can't ... even ... I can't spend the night with you." Her voice breaking, her head low._

_"I wanna hear it. The whole reason." _**You have to give me something. **_I was trying to look into her eyes, my own eyes determined to get her to speak. _**Talk to me.**

_"Because …" She raised her eyes. "Because if I fall asleep with you in my arms once, I'm gonna be suffering from insomnia for the rest of my days." There were tears in her eyes again._

_"Because, if I wake up next to you in the morning, every other morning will seem empty to me. And I can't …" She was sobbing now, her breathing irregular. "I can't leave … in the morning."_

_"Do you really wanna leave now?" I was on my feet, invading her personal space._

_She opened her mouth, nothing came from it._

_"Don't leave, sleep with me, wake up by my side. We could do it Jane. Don't you think we could make it?"_

_"No." She was lying to me, I knew it. But it didn't help, because she preferred to lie than to be brave and fight for us._

_"Get out." My voice strong and firm. "Get out Jane. I don't want you here." She opened her mouth but nothing came from it, again. I couldn't look at her anymore. Then she walked out of the room, then out of her own apartment, and if it would be physically possible I would feel my heart shatter to pieces, the only person capable of mending it, yards away now._


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N **_  
_**Thanks to all of you for sticking around. We're approaching the end. This is after the Dirty Robber, and now you can all go back to loving Jane.**_  
_**In my mind, this is how she would've reacted to any friends-with-benefits kind of situation with Maura. But anyone has their own way of seeing things, and analyzing characters. If it doesn't make sense to you, how she can go from cold to hot in one minute, then I can't really help you. Because the story was written in POV for one reason, and Jane's thoughts were far from cold.**_

I love reviews, and if you have any suggestion please let me know, I'm kinda stuck after this chapter. Enjoy.

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**Maura's POV**

Now I'm driving back home, my vision blurry from tears. I left her at the Dirty Robber and she didn't even try to stop me. This situation is worse than cheap soap operas, I couldn't believe it if I wouldn't be experiencing first hand. I composed myself to look decent enough to go and pick up some sushi, as I didn't have the patience to cook and I was really hungry. I was just pulling off in front of my house, when I saw a person sitting in my doorstep. The moment I got out of the car she was on her feet, looking straight at me, but not moving. I forgot my sushi and just walked on her direction.

"I have something I wanna say." She says when I'm just foots away from her. "No, it's something I need to say actually."

I am trying to be as serious and indifferent as possible, looking into her eyes, almost glaring.

"What?" I ask, like I am not even interested.

"It's true. What you said, that day." She lowers her head, I'm not playing dumb, I really don't get it.

"What day?What did I say?" Now I'm asking for pure curiosity, as my memory fails me, the sight of her so beaten, hopeless, makes me forget why I was even mad at her.

"What you said about the way I look at you. That night … you, um, you said you thought- No wait." It's hard for her to get the words out, and my hands reach out to grab hers as she's picking at the scars on her palm. She looks up to me and smiles, I do the same but she still knows she has to say it.

"You said, there was this way I looked at you, and it's true Maura, I've never seen something more beautiful than you, looking back at me, smiling." Now there is a grin in my face, I'm not even trying to hide it.

"When I touch you … you're always so warm, and soft, and I crave that Maura, I crave the feeling of your skin on mine. If I-" She reached to wipe a tear out of my cheek, then did the same with hers, then reunited both our hands together, intertwining our fingers. "If I ever get mad, or sad or feel restless, one hug from you is more than enough to bring me peace again. And you're like this … uh, I don't know, fragile thing that I don't wanna break. And I know Maura, I know you're strong, and you can take it, but I don't wanna put you through that. So I treat you as gentle as I can."

One of her hands cups my cheek softly and I lean into the touch. "I get scared Maura, I'm scared that I'm not enough, you're so brilliant, so pretty."

She chuckles at how childish that sounds and I do the same, still can't help the tears falling from my eyes. I'm overwhelmed with emotion; this strong headed, tough detective is talking about her deepest feelings, feelings about me. "You are the closest it gets to perfect, even your flaws, like Google-mouth, are somehow cute. I feel like a child when I'm with you at times, because I just wanna smile and run around, don't know, do something stupid that I'll regret 5 minutes after and deny it to anyone else, but not to you. But the only feeling that never fades is that I feel lucky all the time, just to be your best friend." My face changes at that. I thought she was going to … "But I wanna be more, I can't go back Maura. I'm engaged to be married, he's thousands of miles away, and I'm … well, cheating on him but I … God I feel like an awful person."

"Don't." I squeeze her hand, lower my head under hers, to catch her eyes who are staring on the floor.

"I don't feel bad Maura. He loves me and I'm thinking about you all the time but I don't feel guilty, not really. Because you are, you feel … right. With me. I mean, when we are, you know ARE together, it feels wonderful and I wouldn't take it back. Not a single second."

I am, immobile, crying, and she is looking at me like she's asking for permission.

"I do feel bad about the way I treat you. It kills me to be that weak, that I can't resist you, but not strong enough to stand up for you." She tries to smile. Her eyes intense, like she wants to say more, all it comes out it's a request.

"Say something, please." She is insecure now, her voice is low.

"I don't know what to say. Are you done?" It feels so good to hear her talk like this; I don't want her to stop.

"No, I'm not done." She sighs deeply, the look in her eyes tells me this is probably the hardest thing she's ever had to say. "Maura, I'm afraid. I am so afraid to say this, and do what we're supposed to do, because it matters. This time, in my personal life, something, someone matters. I can't mess up, and I thought I could take the coward's way out but it's not working… I … I'm gonna leave Casey. He's wonderful, and he would even be perfect if I would be in love with him, like he's with me. I love him, I care about him but it's not the same." Her brown eyes get teary again, but just a little, and she smiles at me, than it turns to a smirk, that confident Jane Rizzoli smirk. "You, you've been in my life for years now, and you're the closest person to me. The one who knows me more, and you even spend every Sunday with my family and still haven't ran away and that's saying something." We both chuckle at this. "What I'm saying Maura is that, I have no doubts that you know me, and I know you, and we're still here, and I couldn't get away from you Maura, I don't even want to. Because I love you, so I can't spend one more day without you knowing it." I let out a sob and she hugs me, but it only takes a few seconds to get back to my feet again. She backs away to look at me. "I'm in love with you Maura. The past weeks has proven me that what I feel goes beyond innocent friendship and I am really, in love with you."

I'm shaking as she wraps her arms around me, I love the feeling of her warmth, her scent all around me, like she could just form a shield to protect us, what we have. When she thinks I can stand on my own again, she pulls away.

"Now you really have to say something." She smiles to assure me she doesn't meant it to pressure me, just to make the air a little lighter.

"What you said, all of it, it's unbelievable. I am just…" I let out a sigh and rub my arms, has it gotten cold all of the sudden?

"Do you wanna get inside? I mean it's your place and I can't invite you over to your own home but-"

"I did kick you out of yours." I interrupt her as if to say she has permission do to so, and our smiles only last a second.

"Yeah, you … did. But I had it coming, so I can't really complain." She shrugs and tilts her head, and I wanna kiss her so badly, that walking past her, almost running to my house it's the only thing that keeps me.

When we walk in, she closes the door behind us and I turn around to face her. I open my mouth to say something, but a sigh is the only thing that comes. She takes my face in her hands, looks at me, raising her eyebrows.

"Breathe, ok? Just … you don't have to answer right now. In fact I did you so much wrong, I don't expect-"

"I still wouldn't take it back." The words rush out of my mouth, and her eyes fill with joy. "I wouldn't take it back either." I say more firmly, and I put my hands on her wrists, still on the sides of my face. "You are exceptional, and the fact that you feel… that way about me, it's …" Yes the famous Google-mouth doctor was speechless. "It's unbelievable. You are … it doesn't even exist an adjective, or any words for that matter, to properly describe you. You're just, Jane. And you're my Jane." She smiles and her hands tighten just a little in my face. "I adore the person you are when you're with me, is much softer and kind that the Jane most of the people get to know. But I'm not complaining, because I like the feeling of being special, different in your eyes. And I'm a little biased when it comes to you too. I've let down all my walls and I enjoy life more. You give me warmth, when I used to be accustomed to coldness and I feel cared and protected. And it means more to me that I'll ever be able to express that you said those words to me. Not only because the sentiment is unrivalled but because you actually said it, you actually expressed your feelings for me."

We are both wearing a content smile in our face. For my surprise I don't feel as overwhelmed to say this, as I did when I heard her. Maybe because I've know and accepted this feelings a while ago, it doesn't surprise me that much. "So I think it's only fair for you to know that I reciprocate them. I love you Jane, I have for some time now. I don't know when I started to but it's so true now that I can't remember a time when I didn't. I am in love with you, Jane Rizzoli."

She doesn't say anything just pulls me in for a kiss, and a tear wets my hand who has come to cup her cheek. Her hands move to my hips, she pulls my body flush to her and moans. I don't wanna deepen the kiss so we keep it sweet but still needy. She sucks on my bottom lip before backing up, and I can't help a gasp. She smiles against my lips as she leaves a last chaste kiss.

"Wow" Her voice is deep and low.

"Yeah" I chuckle as I know she must have felt the same way I did. I burrow my face in her chest, as we have moved closer to the couch while kissing, and I'm leaning against the back of it.

"I can't believe this is even possible." She says as she's staring into space. I look up at her and tighten her grip around her neck. "Feeling like this. I've always made fun of cheesy love songs, with phrases like 'my heart skips a beat, take my breath away' or I don't know what else. But now, when I kissed you, or when you said those words to me, I had to remind myself to breathe."

She laughs and raises her eyebrows at the last words, like she can't believe what she's saying.

"You leave me breathless too." I can see a hint of surprise in her eyes. "When you touch me, at times even what it may seem a simple touch, makes me wanna gasp for air. And when you kiss me, like you just did right now, my hearts doesn't skip a beat, it goes tachycardic." We both smile at that, but she got a mischievous look on her.

"Yeah?" I nod.

"Like this?" There's that smirk again.

She tugs at the hair on the back of my head and draws me in. She breathes through her open mouth, like she trying to devour me and I'm so grateful for the couch, because my knees go week. Her fingers still play with the hair at the base of my neck, while her other hand has fully wrapped my midsection and she's bending to match our height, her head tilted to the left.

I take of my heels, which changes nothing except giving me more comfort to move. I push onto her and we circle the couch blindly, never breaking the kiss. She seat in the middle of it and pulls away enough just for me to straddle her and move my hair to one side. Her hair is in a ponytail, which I regret because I love running my fingers through it while kissing her. Our kiss has now become more patient, I'm just relishing her taste, and she's doing the same. I don't know for how long do we do this, but I know it's more than enough for me, now that I know she feels the same.


End file.
